To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light.
-Carl Jung
The path of personal development is laden with challenges. Most of them can be found inside us, like limiting beliefs, negative thinking, and fear. These are our so-called demons that holds us back from living well, and I can attest how hard it is to resolve them.
For most of my teenage years, I've fought with negative thinking and having a bad self-esteem. Back then, I felt helpless. I always see myself sliding back to my negative habits without being aware that I'm the progenitor of my problems. Now, in my early adult life, I've gained enough understanding and consciousness on my negative tendencies, and I can say that I'm faring well with my life's challenges. Remnants of my past condition, however, still remains.
There's one challenge in particular that I still find myself struggling with from time to time. A sinister one that has caused my growth to be hindered, and has proved still tricky for me to handle. This challenge is self-sabotage.
I am aware that I'm not the only one that's plagued with this same problem. I know plenty of people that also experience instances of self-sabotage. In society at large, issues such as political and sexual scandals of prominent figures are caused by this same behavior.
Now, this is not about pointing fingers. Nor do I want to make it an issue of morality. The question that I want to center in is why does it happen in the first place? Why do we engage in acts that sabotage our happiness and well-being?
My search for answers to these questions has brought me to the field of Psychology. And I have found the plausible root cause of this stinging dysfunction.
In this post, I would like to talk about the part of our psyches often untouched by the light of our consciousness. A psychological concept from Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung called The shadow.
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What is the shadow?
The Shadow, as defined by Carl Jung, are aspects of ourselves that does not fit with our ego ideal. They are traits or parts of reality and ourselves that we repress, deny, or find unpleasant. They are things we don't want to be associated with or have no wish to become.
Contrary to common understanding, these things can't be detached from us just because we reject them. Psychology points out that they are inseparable parts of our psyches, just like how an object is inseparable from the shadow it casts.
The things that we repress, deny, or find unpleasant in our conscious experience does not disappear but are rather stored in the depths of our subconscious, where they continue to lurk and influence our behaviors.
In religion and mythology, this shadow part of our personality are often portrayed as devils, djinns, ogres, and many others. They represent the opposite of what we deem acceptable, proper, and what we may call, holy parts of our experience.
But they are part of our experience nonetheless. They comprise the wholeness of our psychology. We can think of the shadow as the black part of the Yin-Yang symbol of the Taoists. Yes, it is a dark side, but a dark side that is necessary for wholeness.
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Examples of Shadow behaviors
We can be identify our shadows by thinking about the opposites of our persona. Here are some examples:
- The shadow of an introvert person is extroversion.
- The shadow of an intellectual person is irrationality.
- The shadow of bringing order is chaos.
- The shadow of a diligent person is indolence.
- The shadow of an ambitious person is mediocrity.
- The shadow of a moral person is vileness.
- The shadow of an honest person is corruption.
- The shadow of being clean is filthiness.
It must be noted that these shadow traits applies in vice versa. We can say that introversion is the shadow of extroversion, or honesty is the shadow of corruption. This is because our shadow behaviors are determined by content, and not by our psyche's structure. If we identify with one trait, its opposite trait automatically becomes our shadow.
There is also a thing to note about some exceptions to these examples. Due to the diversity of our human traits, there are some people that are endowed with psychological flexibility wherein they can manage two paradoxical traits. There are intellectual people who have natural emotional intelligence to tolerate irrationality. There are ambiverts who can manage introvert and extrovert qualities. These traits come as their natural endowments.
But in general, most of us don't have these kinds of intrinsic attributes. We dislike our polar opposites. An introvert is repulsed by loud noises. A moral person can't accept inhumane acts. Most of us are fated to deal with our shadows, in one way or another.
How self-sabotage happens
Now, let's take some of the examples and illustrate how the shadow can cause self-sabotage:
1. Introverts thrive in quiet environments and activities. They're at best when doing works that use their minds.
As we now know, their shadow is extrovert energy. Which means that they are averse to loud noises, spontaneous social interactions, or any other activity that requires them to be unreserved. In this example, sabotage can happen a person clings to his or her introversion to the point of seclusion, paralysis, or denial.
It is a fact that life isn't all about introversion. There are things that require us to be extroverts like public speaking, marketing, or building relationships. Self-seclusion can happen if an introvert don't acknowledge this. He can build walls around himself which creates psychological safety, yes, but at the cost of personal growth and connection with other people.
2. Ambition is a pleasant virtue if pursued in moderation. But what will it look like if it becomes a dysfunctional pursuit?
The shadow of an ambitious person is being mediocre. Subconsciously, he will put extreme efforts to achieve an ideal standard. If done right, it will lead to a stability that will make him achieve his ideal. Whether it'd be in pursuing wealth, status, or proficiency at a craft. But if done without proper counsel, that same person can fall into the traps of perfectionism and workaholism. He will cause damage to himself and become a roadblock to his own success.
3. The most prominent example of shadow behavior is corruption. This is the shadow of people who are in positions that requires morality and propriety. The pressure to be a model figure for is high in such cases. A simple act that denotes lack of integrity can be a catalyst for a career breakdown.
An example of a shadow trait in this regard is sexuality. This subject is still considered taboo for most of us. So, even though there's nothing inherently wrong with it per se, it will be interpreted as immoral from a stance of someone serving as a model for constituents.
The tendency is to put it in a closet where it lingers and influences one's psychology. On the outside it may look like a person has it in check, but, as we all know, it soon creeps out.
This false morality that is built upon denial causes the shadow to be even stronger in its response. Repressing sexuality for the sake of chasing an image causes it to backfire. The repressed sexual energy will find other outlets for release and takes on the form of abuse, scandals, and other kinds of sexual misconduct. The intended goal of the moral person then becomes deeply undermined.
Why self-sabotage happen
As we now see, the main reason behind shadow behaviors is denial. Our rejection, repression, or neglection of our shadows, comes back to us in negative ways. To quote Jung:
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
The ways in which our shadow manifest in our lives is proportionate to the amount of force we use to deny it.
This is why exclusion will not work in solving both personal and societal problems. All it will lead to is pathologies and complexes; manifestations of our shadows that, if not properly understood, will continue to be wreak havoc on our lives. At worst, we won't even know that the problems caused by our shadows are our own creations.
We may resist to acknowledge it but denial has been the cause of the Holocaust, Spanish inquisitions, and racist social systems like Apartheid. They are acts caused by a dense shadow, repressed in the name of national, religious, and cultural ideals, that haunted us back in vicious, dysfunctional ways.
On a personal level, the same is true. The more we repress parts of ourselves, the stronger our projections of personal dissonance will be. We can become judgmental, intolerant, and at worst, violent towards ourselves and other people.
In both cases, the shadow has lay hold on our efforts for success-we have induced self-sabotage-and has achieved the exact opposite of what we're really after.
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The resolution then lies in understanding how our shadow functions.
I have mentioned earlier that our shadow behaviors are determined by our shadow's content, and not by the shadow itself. This thought pertains to a silver lining that can help us break free of our dysfunctional behaviors. It's the understanding that our shadow has an underlying function that is directed by our subconscious minds.
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The shadow as a part of our subconscious minds
Our psychology operates in two planes: we have our conscious mind that is responsible for dealing with our immediate experience, and we have our subconscious mind that is responsible for storing information, behaviors, and judgments for our long term use.
Through our subconscious minds, we don't have to rehash learning processes. It simply gives us cues, based on our previous experiences, on how to act, what to speak, or how to best deal with certain situations.
Our shadow resides in our subconscious minds. As part of our natural servo-mechanism, it primarily functions to guide our experience. It is not inherently bad for us.
What it is essentially, is a region in our psychology that stores information and experiences that should be avoided when we are pursuing a goal.
When our goal is to be moral, our shadow will make us avoid immorality. When we are in pursuit of diligence, it makes us avoid indolence. This is its healthy function.
Self-sabotage only occurs when we fail to make wise and nuanced judgments on our shadows. Or when our goals (the contents I am talking about) are founded upon bad ideals.
Going back to the example on sexuality, it is unwise of us to deny or repress it for when we do, we are also denying and repressing parts of ourselves. Or on a societal scale, when we deny the existence of LGBT people, we are disowning parts of our society, which leads to further contempt and prejudice among us all.
We must understand that unwise judgments on our shadow only makes it denser. This will only make it manifest in destructive ways. We will never be able progress or heal in this manner.
Instead, we will come to light only by accepting, understanding, and integrating our shadows to our conscious lives.
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Integration: the way to heal
In Jung's own words, the key to resolve our shadow behaviors is to make the unconscious conscious. That is, to shed light on our shadows through self-reflection and observation. With the goal of eventually achieving an integration of both our light and dark sides.
By having integrity, we can treat our shadows as part of who we are, not something that we repress, deny, or vilify. We will achieve a union, a psychic wholeness, in Jung's terms. That will allow us to see reality clearly, without the partiality brought about by our shadow's dysfunctional manifestations.
Here are some principles we can use to achieve this wholeness:
Recognize truth
Firstly, we must always strive to recognize the truth in any situation. The complication brought by our shadow is that it portrays an image of reality and ourselves that is based on partiality. If we're not conscious enough, we could mistake what it is portraying as the entire truth.
By exhibiting conscious thinking on our shadow's portrayals, and by committing ourselves to seeing truth, we can be wise stewards of our psyches. We won't easily succumb to unconscious shadow behaviors.
Own the shadow
We must always remember that the shadow is there to serve us. Again, as part of our subconscious minds, it functions to steer us away from unwanted behaviors. It is a part of our psyches that we must own, and use in our favor.
In whatever situation, and with enough psychological development, we can always take responsibility for the consequences that it will bring to our life. Whether our shadow will bring havoc or order in our lives, is of our own choosing.
Accept and include
An attitude of acceptance for our shadows will remove stains of biases that clouds our judgments.
By being tolerant and inclusive, we will be able to look at the world beyond prejudices-without partiality and denial of things we dislike.
We can learn to understand other people, other nations, and other ways of seeing the world and find them not "different" nor "wrong," but treat them instead as things that are included in the truth of our existence.
Most importantly, having this attitude makes us compassionate, and non-judgmental of our shadow behaviors. It makes us less cynical and less ignorant.
Embody wholeness
Lastly, we must strive for wholeness. As we now understand, our ideal selves and our shadows are not separate things. Each of them are essential parts of our psychology and neither of them should be neglected.
What our wholeness constitutes then is maintaining a balance. A psychologically healthy person is one who is in touch with both his light and dark side. He is unbiased, impartial, and unrepressed. Wise in his judgment and complete in his intents.
He knows how to see the light in the shadows, and the shadows amidst the light. He can see beyond his shadow's content, and instead see truth, health, and psychological wholeness.
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Conclusion
Understanding how our shadow functions is a key that can help us unlock the potential of our psychologies. It makes us realize that our dark side isn't grim as we think it to be. And that beyond our shadow behaviors, lies a hope for achieving freedom from our self-induced sabotage.
The question now is: will we be willing to face our shadows? Can we look at it with an attitude of acceptance? I am sure that we definitely can, but it will take courage, self-compassion, and a strong commitment to truth, and to being whole.
References:
Websites
https://www.learnmindpower.com/the-partnership-of-the-conscious-and-subconscious-minds/
https://michiganintheworld.history.lsa.umich.edu/antiapartheid/exhibits/show/exhibit/item/278
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_Inquisition#/media/File:An_auto-da-f%C3%A9_of_the_Spanish_Inquisition_and_the_execution_o_Wellcome_V0041892.jpg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_Inquisition
Book
Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, Ph.D
Youtube channels and videos
Clark Kegley - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0QVFiSQ4bQ
Eternalised - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEd0x0DIFSE
Einzelganger - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8fotV55FUw
Einzelganger - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwROPb6a8RY
Academy of Ideas - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S__1h2Z2xI
The Diamond Net
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